Thursday, 28 August 2014

"Word-Fu"

Welcome back!  Man, it's great to see you, it's been ages. Have you had a haircut? Looks good. 

Today I thought we could deal with that ancient art of "Word-Fu" - namely the ability to handle situations using your knowledge of vocabulary and/or language in general. Not the game you find if you Google this term, trust me, this version of Word Fu is not a game. Oh no, no indeed.


So we've dealt with body language in prior posts, so it just seemed right to work on what you're actually saying too, right?

But we're gonna get a little specific. We're gonna deal with a few people who we find difficult.

Who or what am I talking about?  

Liar's and Cheats.


Now to explain - this is not some personal crusade or revenge/frustration driven rant given parts of my life to date.  Nope, this one's far from it. Life has taught me a few things, things I reckon it would be good for you to know. This is an attempt to help you out if you're currently struggling with that odd sensation in your gut which is telling you "something ain't right here..."

We all know that feeling, it happens to everyone. 

So yep, this post is designed to be 
A beginners guide to handling liars and cheats utilising Word Fu.

Consider this an opportunity to take the wool away from your eyes. 

To begin, a liar/cheat can be defined as those people who always spout lies to either make themselves look good, to cover their asses when they've been busted/trying to avoid being busted, those who dig themselves out of a hole (that they probably dug themselves) with non-truths or who are always putting someone else down for their own personal gain. 

Yep...THEM.

This is also about those people who never apologise - even when all the facts stack up against them higher than the Himalayas. This is about those who feel the need to deceive, who often have a distorted version of right and wrong and who are just dramatically challenged and need to feed drama into their lives. 
Whoa. Yeah...I know...
That was a BIG list of who this is about but please, stay with me. 
It'll be worth the read.


Now, there are a couple of other categories which we will exclude from this post just to be clear.

1. The liar who lies due to a distinct lack of confidence - whereby due to personal circumstances (i.e. has been put down all of their lives, told they are a loser etc) an individual will bend the truth a little, but never to hurt anyone.  In these cases, dependent on the lie being told, most people will forgive them, often because the lies they tell are horrible and about as transparent as air. 

2. And our common "Little White Lies" - like Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy - they are designed to inspire your child's imagination, not to be lies to be found out and crucified for.   


This leaves us with the Liar's and cheats who lie on purpose, knowingly to deceive YOU. 

So, the first question - How can you spot them?


Well, it's actually not as hard as you think, but you have to want to see. 
How often have you been in a relationship where you've known you're being lied to, but choose to ignore it for your kids/your income/your lifestyle or some other "comfortable" reason? 
I'll bet good money I haven't been the only one.

So if you are looking, there are a few "tell's" and "types" that give most liar's away. 

But the number one rule - trust your instincts - if you feel like something is wrong with what you're being told, it often is. 

If it smells like a duck, quacks like a duck, flies like a duck, odds are....its a duck.
Remember - 93% of all communication is non-verbal.
  • A liar will often look away rather than making eye contact as they are talking with you
  • Holding eye contact too long (yes, the opposite of the above). This one is generally felt as awkwardness. The liar is challenging you to challenge what they are saying - they expect to be caught out.
  • Distracting behaviours like touching their ears, playing with hair or clothes, changing the subject the more uncomfortable they become etc
  • Speed of their voice - often liars will speak slightly faster than normal when lying.
  • Too much detail - liars often pre-meditate how they will tell you something and create great detail "in case" you ask. They often tell you this detail without you asking.
  • Trying too hard to sound normal that they actually end up sounding weird and false
  • Deflection - re-accusing the accuser - this is a classic whereby if you confront the liar about their lying, they will accuse you of either doing the same thing or something much worse to change the focus. 
  • The "Dismissively Aggressive" - ever heard the saying "doth thy protest too much?". This one is generally used by aggressive people who deep down know they have done wrong but will never admit it, often combined with the "Believer".
  • You will be made to feel like everything is all your fault, often. This protects the liar by you always being the worse one. I fell into this situation once before - not a cool place to be. 
  • "The Retreat" - often liars will avoid discussions where they can be found out. What better way than to just walk away? 
  • The "Believer" - this is probably the most dangerous liar of all. They actually believe the lie they are telling you is true. 
  • And finally (but by no means the end of any liar list) the "Clever". This is the one where you are literally baffled by bullshit. This one takes a very good talker with a high level understanding of "Word-Fu". Most politicians probably fall into this category.
Life would be so much easier if a liar's pants actually did catch on fire, right?  For sure, true story.

Now that we have a few categories and generalisations on methods a liar will use against you, the next question is 

How can you stop them lying? 

Well, bad news buddy.  You can't
I know, I know - not the answer you wanted, 
but unfortunately, it's absolutely true. 
It is literally impossible to stop someone lying to you.
Especially if they have something to hide.

But the saving grace is, generally speaking you will always notice (if you know the person lying to you) even if you're not being paranoid or jumping at shadows. 

You'll get that feeling something is wrong - you know the one.

This is true for cheaters too.
If you suspect a cheater - and yes, they are a special bunch, advanced liars - something will trigger for you. 

For relationships where you co-habitat - suspicions can be sparked if you notice something has been moved in your house, more attention is spent focused on cell phones, conversations are happening less, frustrations at you become higher, your items get covered up or even put somewhere else. Cheaters and adulterers are very good at mastering these skills, especially the bold ones who believe it is their right to act the way they do. 
Consider how much of a bummer it must be for them trying to work their mojo on someone else when there is a picture of you hanging up in the front room, or a whole heap of your stuff hanging around. Not gonna work too well for them, right? 

An example - a friend of mine years back was dating a detective and they'd been living together for about 5 years, she'd thought they were happy. Bad news was - he'd been cheating on her in their own home since the beginning of their relationship, moving all her stuff (putting things in drawers, hiding them away) every time he had someone come over - and there'd been many. He blamed her when he got caught (she found a picture she treasured of the both of them under their bed) and probably still does. He was an arrogant guy, full of his own importance and believed he was always right.  

Yet another person playing "alpha" male. You'll see I stated playing, because that's all they're doing, pretending to be number one.  They're not really number one by any stretch of the imagination, by putting others down they think they can elevate themselves.  
Bad news for them.

If you happen to be one of these pretend Alpha Males (or an Alpha Female) and is reading this for any insights you can use, quit it.  Now.  You're being an asshole. 

Real Alpha's know their responsibilities to others, they don't use/abuse others for their own gains. They'll do the opposite and be all good with it.

And most pretend Alpha's all end up the same too. They refuse to pull their heads in and eventually they get it knocked off. It's simple physics - action, then opposite and equal reaction. Be an asshole, get smacked over like one. 
Trust me, there is ALWAYS someone tougher than you. 

Now if you are worried about this cheating happening in your home, take note of where your stuff is and of your partners behaviours both good and bad, something will always give them away. Most cheaters aren't very smart. 

Another thing you could keep a nose out for is "smell". For example - if you get home to a smell of air freshener, they could've been either smoking weed, they've burnt something in the kitchen, have severe "wind" or are trying to mask someone's perfume/cologne. 

Awareness is always the key - as is a level head

You also need to appreciate that all of these things can be happening and your partner NOT be cheating on you. 
However, if you are suspicious and feel that something is wrong, investigate and put it to rest because it just might be real.

       Remember - if it smells like a duck, quacks like a duck, flies like a duck, odds are....its a duck.

Another indicator can be perhaps your partner is going out more and more and not wanting you to come along. If cheating is a potential, are you finding yourself in a fight just before they go out? 
It could be a way of justification for them telling you to stay home so they can go out with their friends and/or their hook up. 
Are they always encouraging you to go out and don't care where? Mmmmm. 

But hey, enough about cheaters, lets move on back to liars. They kinda go hand-in-hand with cheats anyway since isn't that what cheats are actually doing anyway?

For liars - you can always try and create a safe environment whereby they will feel they don't have to lie to you - useful especially with children and teenagers. 

I do this with our two boys and I back it up with non-confrontational methods of busting them when I catch them. I can tell when they are lying just by getting them to tell me their story whilst maintaining eye-contact.  If you know your kids, you'll know how to do this already too.

For most liars, they lie until the point they get caught out, then they scramble. 

If you believe you are being lied to, my suggestion is confront the person. You can start softly, softly such as "Look, are you sure that's what happened?  It doesn't sound quite right..." and then you can utilise a real piece of "Word Fu" that almost never fails.  

Oh yeah, this is intermediate to advanced level stuff.  

You're not using "silence" properly. 

Yep - S.I.L.E.N.C.E. 
The absence of noise, y'know, keep yah mouth shut bro', or shushit@dudeyouretooloud.co.nz or www.zip_it.com. 

So I can see your eyebrow lifting, you're not so sure on what I'm saying huh?  

I guess it does sound a bit like a misnomer.  I've been describing "Word-Fu" yet I'm talking about you saying "nothing" wrongly? 
Yeah, it sounds a bit weird even to me as I'm writing this. 
But like any of my left-field posts, hold the phone, put your feet up, park this baby in neutral and trust me. 
If you utilise this skill I'm about to teach you, you will become a better one on one speaker, listener, a better communicator and most of all - become a much better bullshit detector.
So what on earth am I actually blathering on about here? 

It's remarkably simple. Silence can be your best friend and a worthy Allie, especially when you are dealing with people who are trying to lie to you. 
Let me set the scene for how I learnt this little gem, handy bit of background.
I had a friend back in the 80's and 90's named Hitoshi who was a lot older than me, was my intermediate Aikido instructor and he held a fairly middle management rank in a manufacturing firm who had just started doing a bit of business here in New Zealand back when "Made in Japan" became viewed as not bad stuff at all. 
Nothing cool like electronics, no he didn't work for Sony. 
As one of only two of Hitoshi's European student's, I was always being told off for talking too much - I preferred to call it "youthful exuberance" whereas Hitoshi preferred to call it "a problem with authority".
This came to a head literally, spinning back-fist involved, when I answered a rhetorical question with a joke in the middle of a 50-strong training session. 
Turned out that my barbarian humour wasn't all that funny and I ended up with bruises from the other students just to prove how "un-funny" the sound of one hand clapping actually was. 

I also managed another few thick ears talking about cups being half empty/half full and a snide comment about "either way there is room for bourbon". 
Yes, it seemed my insight genius was not appreciated then either. 
So - somewhat flabbergasted at my lack of understanding and on the verge of giving up - Hitoshi took me along with him to a business meeting where I was to learn something or suffer the consequence of loss of face. Not literally though. My face was going to be fine.

I was introduced to the other party as an "associate", although to what I had no idea, but according to Hitoshi I was dragged along to learn something vitally important that could finally get me to understand what he'd been trying to get through "my Thrick Scrull". 
Now given I couldn't (and still can't) speak much Japanese, I figured I was going to learn about as much as "bad wind" in a rubber suit... no doubt this was going to be a painful and uncomfortable few hours.

On arriving however, I found that all the other company representatives were European and they were a happy accommodating bunch, as were Hitoshi's people. I observed the appropriate courtesies, figured my luck had changed since everything seemed nice and casual, I only slightly felt like the charity case dumb kid at the smarty pants party, but at least I figured was going to understand at least some of what was going to be said.  We were all ushered into the meeting room to begin discussions, me at the back and firmly out of the way, no dunce hat included. 
Before we headed in to sit down however, Hitoshi told me to say absolutely nothing unless I was spoken to directly. It was one of those "do as I say" moments you'd get from your Mum, y'know the ones, when she'd use your whole name including your middle name. 

Needless to say, I kept my mouth shut. 
What happened over the next hour however, changed the way I see communication forever and I'm happy I went. Hitoshi was right and I'm glad he stuck his neck out so far with his co-workers and took me along.
Y'see the Japanese have a slightly different way of doing business. Yes, gross generalisation I agree, but since that meeting I learnt it's mostly a fairly true statement. 


Both teams sat either side of a longish table, not much a view but all in all, a fairly boring venue.
The thing that had me spellbound over the next couple of hours was that there were times in that meeting where it felt like I almost had to say something, the very core of me screaming out "say something!" much like trying to ignore a phone ringing - it became almost physical pain in wanting to answer the thing. 

I swear that the silence was so deafening and so uncomfortable that the nature of the meeting quickly changed and the other party had to keep filling the gaps, they started talking up a storm. 
During particularly long silences, Hitoshi would look back to me to reinforce his message. As dutiful student I complied.  The longer this meeting went on, the more out-of-sorts the other people became. 
I kid you not, at one point it was like a competition of who speaks first loses as the Europeans started to catch on. 
At the end of the meeting however I overheard one of the exec's asking what the hell had happened in there, it seemed they'd revealed too much and been more truthful than they had been planning to be. 
They literally didn't seem to be able to help themselves but fill those silences with more and more wins for Hitoshi and the company he worked for. The other business just kept sweetening the deal with more and more offers to get Hitoshi's company on-board, an obvious assumption over why the Japanese were being so quiet.

I learnt afterward that it wasn't because Hitoshi's group weren't sure, it wasn't that they wanted more (because they didn't), it was simply because they knew how to negotiate and they simply wanted the truth. They were cautiously analysing all the information being given AND they knew before they even started that the truth would come out.  They'd utilised this tactic before.

Having read Sun Tzu's "Art of War" since this meeting, I think (although still not 100% sure) that I got more a handle on this but at the time, I - and the European group - had no idea what was happening.  

Hitoshi's group knew that most people, most importantly the European's they were dealing with, dislike silence.

Consider this - just how many times have you filled awkward silences yourself?  
I'll bet lots. We're not wired to handle it all that well. 

Y'see by saying nothing, most people who are feeling the pressure of the silence can't help but reveal their own true thoughts, it's almost as if we've been taught this way. 
Silence equals bad.

The scary thing is - it's actually quite the opposite. Welcome to Word Fu.

If you don't believe me, try it for yourself and practice. 

1. Ask a person the question you want to know the answer to - perhaps one that you know they would not tell you the 100% information for
2. Let your question hang there. A thoughtful expression will help.
3. Keep your mouth shut. You will feel uncomfortable and so will they. Keep quiet. The results will most likely surprise you. 

Word to the wise though, this is not something to be used for negative or personal gain - pretend Alpha's (male and female) I'm talking to you. 

This is simply a tool to be used so you can gain the truth from any situation whereby you would need it in order to make an informed decision. 

So welcome to the essence of Word-Fu, my friend.

Over here in the knowing side - silence is indeed GOLDEN.​ 

...That is unless you have kids...then it's just damn suspicious...






Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Devilskin - a band well worth going to see


A couple of mates (pals/friends for you American's) and I headed over the hill to the mighty Waikato city of Hamilton (around an hour and a bit drive from Tauranga where we live) to go see a live band that has been doing the rounds for about 4 years, but have only recently garnered critical acclaim starting to "make it big". 

For more about them, go here to their official site - http://devilskin.co.nz/

Having been a fan for about a year, I was really looking forward to heading out with the boys in Hamilton - an old stomping ground of mine. Devilskin never fails to impress!

...and no, for all you religious people out there?  Don't panic. Pretty sure they're not Satanists, their name and some parts of their video's are simply filled with images designed to "shock" the public and get them talking. 
Forget about the media machine and just listen to the lyrics and the tight music they're putting together. 

But for you NZer's, Australians, Americans, UK folk and everywhere else you lot are from who are reading my posts, keep an eye out for this band - they're up in the "we're heavier than Linkin Park" realm, and well worth a listen with steaming riffs, powerful melodies, sing along tunes, incredible drumming (from the rhythm guitarists son no less), great rhythm guitar playing, stage presence, professional and female vocals like I've never heard before - oh yeah, she has got some lungs! Very impressed. Sure, I can sing and belt out a few but Jennie could out do most male vocalists without even trying! Effortless.

Crowds are pretty diverse too - I kinda expected me and my friends to be up there in the "you's fulla's are too old bro' to be here" but nope, I'm a young 40 somethin' and there were plenty of rockers there WAY older than me!

Their concerts are charged and their stage show is tight, well eclipsing their two opening bands (can't remember the first one's name, but the second was "Fire At Will" who were good, just not Devilskin awesome). They had a great team behind them too and they openly got the crowd to acknowledge them as well. This band has that rare quality where they know where they come from and who has helped get them there. I get the feeling they won't be forgetting this fact if and when they make it bigger than big.  

They are heading to Australia soon, then hopefully they try to head further afield.  I have no question in my mind they could certainly make it in the big leagues!

If you get a chance to go see them live, I highly recommend you do. 

Be prepared not to be able to hear too well for a few hours afterward though, their stage show is epic.

Click the links below for their official music video's as a taster.

Little Pills

Never See The Light

Start A Revolution






Tuesday, 19 August 2014

We hit 1000 page views!!


Well, we've actually hit 1123 page views!!




Thank you to all of you from around the world who are reading the crazy stuff I'm writing in here.

I sincerely hope that the advice you find is brightening up your days/nights so that your World's not quite so dark or heavy and you're getting a bit of a laugh along the way.


Rock that positivity dude/dude-ette.

Yeah...you got this.



THE STATS





Friday, 8 August 2014

Mental Flossing - anxiety

Here's another one I get asked about often, something I deal with occasionally myself as well. 

It’s likely to be one of the great levelers of humanity – no matter who you are or how awesome you are seen to be (or even how you see yourself) – everyone gets this at one time or another.


Anxiety.

Questions arise like - How do I deal with it, where does it comes from, why does my heart race like that, and why do I feel sick, so overwhelmed, tired and have such sore muscles? Should I have taken the blue pill instead of the red one?  
 
Me in the matrix, I would take both. But only to be difficult. I'm an anxiety disorder causer all on my own. But yup, there are a loads of symptoms and causes. 

Anxiety, has lots of questions, but not many answers. Even googling anxiety will give you anxiety. That...or bum cancer.

This topic is unfortunately full of so many difficult questions and minimal answers that it can be a frustrating journey. 

In this post I'm going to give you a few I know have worked for other people.

But first, a disclaimer. Like the inter-web, not all the answers you are looking for will be contained in this post. Like I've said many times; I'm not a counsellor or a therapist by any stretch of the imagination. 
I might (at a push) consider myself more of a “life coach” (as much as I hate the term), or better yet, a “mojo” mentor, a dude who knows some cool stuff that might help you with shit stuff. 

I've been coaching staff, friends and family for more than 20 years, trying to help anyone who has asked. But I am only a catalyst or facilitator to get you to figure out your own stuff all on your own. 

Now before we roll this bitch named Anxiety off the couch and kick her ass to the curb, please know that my approaches have no medical background whatsoever so I cannot be and will not be held responsible for anything contained that you might follow, since all these posts are “my opinion" only. I have had many successes in my often unorthodox approaches, so I hope something in here might work for you too. 
But like opinions and assholes, everyone has one. Take out of this post only what will safely work for you. All that said, let’s kick this off.

Anxiety is one of those things that can be quite debilitating when it arrives. I've seen many people fall under its spell and struggle for days, sometimes weeks and even years to get out of it. Some never get out of the anxiety cloud and they either just learn to live with it, or they sink into depression. 

There are always factors - both large and small - that lead to serious bouts of anxiety, and more often than not, a lot of them have to do with – as I indicated above - depression. The two tend to go hand in hand.

I've had a brief encounter with depression myself and I'll tell you, its not a fun place to visit. I consider myself pretty hardy and self sufficient, but anxiety (which pushed me pretty close into depression) gave me a fierce right upper-cut to the goolies* and I stayed there for a few months. Not long for long term sufferers but enough to give me a picture I didn't like much.  

But that little trip taught me a couple of things.
Firstly, let me dispel a common misnomer right here and right now.

You are not mentally retarded or a loser if you have depression or any other "disorder". Taking doctor prescribed pills to assist you and your serotonin levels is not embarrassing. If you have a headache, do you take aspirin or paracetamol? Of course you do. Same thing.

You are also not mentally retarded if you suffer from severe (and even much lesser forms of) anxiety either. Being nervous is normal. Having anxiety is normal too. It just depends on whether or not you're letting it rule your life.

People who tell you that you are mentally retarded, are ignorant and judgemental idiots. Plain and simple. No one else can live your life and no one else but you knows your story or the journey you've taken to arrive here. 

I've always been quite keen on teaching those "look down your nose" people the errors of their ways, not one to suffer fools too often. 
Below I can offer you a simple yet effective solution. Show them the  following picture and get them to comply. HARD
Sure, it'll be a bit rough on your screen, but I'm sure you will agree, totally worth it.


Both states (anxiety and depression) are simply the results of whatever you have going on within yourself (emotional, chemical, physiological etc.) that you so far haven’t been able to deal with.

So whatever toss-pots** out there in the world want to judge you on is the idiot's of the world’s business, not yours. 

To further illustrate the how to cope, here's another Darren-ism*** for you.

Lets say someone gets in your face and calls your Mom "a whore"
I know - rough question, sorry - but here's how you can deal with it.

After that question gets thrown at you, what is the first question you should then ask yourself?

The answer? 

"Is she?"

What the hell? I know, I know, this seems bad, but keep reading. 
  • Heavens forbid, If she is, the person got it right. Well done them for being so informed! Congratulations. You no longer have any need to be angry, they got it right. Let it go.
  • If she isn't, this person calling her one is ridiculously uninformed and a bit of an idiot, therefore, you can dismiss anything they say from that point on. You no longer have any need to be angry because this person has no idea what they're on about. Let it go.

When it comes to handling judgemental assholes, 
you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by dismissing them completely. 
Right? 

Yeah, you know I am.

To help a little further with this topic of anxiety and depression, let me ask you a few questions (this time with answers) to paint some more (hopefully helpful) points.

Question 1                Whose opinion are you responsible for?

Answer:                      Yours and yours only. You cannot control what others think, say or spread around about you because you are not them, so let it go. Worrying about what you can’t control is like trying to catch a fly with a space shuttle, or ride a bicycle if you're a fish. It’s a waste of time and will never work.

Question 2               Do you have the ability to “influence” others opinions?

Answer:                      Yes – everyone does. But a better question is “should you?” Are you willing to put in the time and effort to change someone’s mind about you when their opinion isn't your responsibility? I’m betting most of you will say yes. Especially when the someone is a person whose opinions really matter to you. But all you can do in these cases is “try” if you decide you have to. Be prepared though, you could fail to change their minds. If that happens, return to question 1.

Question 3               How do you view yourself?

Answer:                      If you like or love yourself, then well done you! I’m genuinely happy for you. Odds are you have less issues with the world around you as you have become comfortable in your own skin. High five! However, if you don't like yourself - maybe even hate yourself – I have to ask, doesn't that seem weird and purely illogical? The world has plenty of people willing to cut you down at the knees due to their own issues, why help them?
Thing is - You are YOU. You are the only YOU alive. There is no other YOU anywhere. Whatever you don’t like about yourself, doesn't it stand to reason that since you are YOU, that you could change it in a positive fashion if you tried? Or even come to terms with whatever it might be? Got a big nose? So what. Blind in one eye? Ok, that bites but can you change it? No? Then accept it and look for more positives of being you.
YOU are the only YOU there is - be proud to be YOU!

Question 4               When you are feeling anxious, what coping mechanisms do you use to lessen it?

Answer:                     The most common ones that work the best are;  
·       Challenge your negative thoughts - write down your worries. Keep a pad and pencil on you, or type on a laptop, smartphone, or tablet. Writing down is harder work than simply thinking them, so your negative thoughts are likely to disappear sooner. This trick can work. It’s the same as if you don’t want to cry – you can try explaining the physiological symptoms in detail what is happening to you – not the emotions. E.g. My face is getting hotter, around 4 degrees more than it was etc. The detail and having to explain it will combat the negativity.
·        Accept uncertainty. Unfortunately, worrying about all the things that could go wrong doesn't make life any more predictable—it only keeps you from enjoying the good things happening in the present. Learn to accept any uncertainty and try not to require immediate solutions to life’s problems.
·       Practice relaxation techniques. When practiced regularly, relaxation techniques such as meditation, dynamic tension relaxation, and deep breathing can reduce anxiety symptoms and increase feelings of relaxation and emotional well-being.
·       Adopt healthy eating habits. Start the day right with breakfast, and continue with frequent small meals throughout the day. I suck at this one. Going too long without eating leads to low blood sugar, which can make you feel more anxious.
·       Reduce alcohol, caffeine and nicotine. These three lead to more anxiety, not less. None of them can hold you up, all three will bring you down. Fast.
·       Exercise regularly. Ahhh yes. This old nugget. I’m with you on this one. I’ve been fit all my life but then I stopped, needed a break. Problem is now, I am struggling to go back. Super fit athletes all have this issue. If you stop, it’s more than tough to go back. But exercise is a natural stress buster and anxiety reliever. To achieve the maximum benefit, aim for at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise on most days.
·       Get enough sleep. A lack of sleep can make anxious thoughts and feelings worse, so try to get 7 to 9 hours of quality sleep a night.

So, these are the best ones I’ve found so far.

It seems that both anxiety and depression come from the same family of "feelings" which are often caused by self-doubt, lack of confidence in certain fields, still-to-be-learned skills, chemical imbalances in the brain and even the environment in which you grew up, now reside, or even past relationship baggage.
To stop these feelings, you simply couldn’t have had the life you’ve led. It’s kind of like a tail wagging a dog.
But in every single case, you should seek help and not be ashamed of any of it.
Counselling, prescribed medication, whatever it is that you need to feel better (and no, I’m not talking about alcohol or illegal drugs) you should do it.

If you break your arm, what do you do?
Go to the Doctor and get a cast put on, allow it to set and heal.

If you cut yourself, what do you do?
Get a band-aid and cover the cut.

If you have anxiety or you are feeling depressed all the time, what should you do?
Get help. All in, no shame, rock’n’roll baby I’m going in type attitude. 

None of the reasons for how you are feeling should be dwelled on as soul-crushing negatives, no matter how hideous any of it was. You can stand tall at this very moment as you made it. Here YOU are.

You always have options, you can choose to no longer be a victim, and choose to be the survivor you are. Take a positive action and get some help. Doing nothing is the same as taking a negative step. Get up and move.

You are YOU, and you have the right to feel good about yourself, the right to be happy, the right to laugh out loud and the right to be free from anxiety.

YOU are a survivor, not a victim.

After all, with everything you’ve been through, you’re still here, right?

Damn right you are.


 Now take out of all this what you need, believe the above and go out and prove it to yourself.
Take that positive step and get some help if you need it.


YOU know you can do it.

...And don't forget to have a laugh along the way.


*Goolies = testicles/nuts/family jewels/balls
** Toss-pots = a narrow minded wanker
***Darren-ism = see post entitled "A Darren-ism - good luck googling this one"



Monday, 4 August 2014

That moment positivity comes to stay



Something to consider


Imagine a theater, filled with thousands of people, no one on stage.
Now imagine one guy in the crowd stands up and cracks an hilarious joke. Everyone laughs like crazy.
After a few minutes as the laughter dies away, the same guy tells the EXACT SAME JOKE. This time, a few less people laugh.
A few more minutes pass and the same guy then tells the EXACT SAME JOKE over and over again until there is nobody left laughing out of the thousands of people in the theater.
Imagine that now he stops, smiles and says;
"You can't laugh at the same joke over and over again, so why do you keep getting upset over the same thing over and over again?"


Whoa....